Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
