I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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