The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
