Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
