You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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