just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
