M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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