rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize