my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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