Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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