I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
