i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
