She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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