There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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