I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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