I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
