We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
