i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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