Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
