I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
