im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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