Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
