question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
