Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We left the knife in your bed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
