What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
