Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
