my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im six kinds of drunk right now
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
