Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
