the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
