Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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