she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I will pee on everything he values.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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