Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
