i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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