He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Vodka?
Forever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
