your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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