it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
