ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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