i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
