yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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