Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
