What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
