You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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