and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
