I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
