What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
