Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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