I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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