I heard we made out
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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