then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
