At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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