i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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