Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my sisters under your porch take her home
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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