you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
