By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
