how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
