He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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