Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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