I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
