Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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