I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
