i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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