Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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