yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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