How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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