I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
