What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
