I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
