Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
