My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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