You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
