Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
