Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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