Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
