just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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